


Back to December

by mouseratstan



Series: How To Be Something You Miss [5]
Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Unrequited Love, break ups, protective friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:48:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23418514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mouseratstan/pseuds/mouseratstan
Summary: Ben returns to Pawnee again, and Leslie is determined to get it right this time."It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you/wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine."
Relationships: Leslie Knope/Ben Wyatt
Series: How To Be Something You Miss [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1684519
Kudos: 13





	Back to December

She's rushing into JJ’s Diner for a quick pick-me-up when she sees him, and is hit with instant deja vu. 

He's in a booth by himself this time, looking over a menu, and he looks more put together than the image Leslie had of him in her mind. He's dressed nice. His green plaid (one of her favorites) and his hair done nicely. His hands still shake, like they always do, when he holds his menu. He hasn't seen her yet.

She debates running. If she's quick, she can make it out of here before Ben or anyone else sees her. She had no idea he was even coming today— she thought it was tomorrow at Andy and April’s house. Suddenly, she feels very ill-prepared. She's just inching towards the door, however, when her cover is blown by JJ himself.

“Leslie!” he shouts, and she stands up straight and plasters a smile on her face. “Your usual?”

“Oh, no thanks,” she waves, very uncharacteristic of her. “Just a coffee, actually, extra cream and sugar.”

Ben is staring at her now. And he's not even trying to hide it, his wide eyes and his water glass clutched in his palm, halfway to his mouth. It's clear he didn't expect to see her here, but honestly, how could anyone come to JJ’s Diner and not expect to see Leslie Knope?

She takes a deep breath and goes up to his table. “Ben,” she gasps, and it strikes her how long it's been since she's said his name. “Hi.”

He doesn't answer for a long time, as if he’s forgotten how to speak. “Hi.”

“You're back in Pawnee?” she asks. She already knows the answer, but he doesn't need to know that.

“Just visiting.”

She takes a chance to sit down in the seat across from him, and notices the way he stiffens. He's holding back, that much is obvious. He may look put together, but Ben is scared. He's distant, wanting to put as much distance between him and Leslie as possible. She can't blame him. She knows why.

She clears her throat. “Um, how's Partridge? That's where you moved, right? How's your family?”

Ben can't stop looking at her, holding his glass so tightly she wonders vaguely if it will break, bringing this fragile conversation with it. “They're fine,” he chokes out, so supremely uncomfortable. “Uh, how… how are you?”

She knows his nervous stuttering too well. “Busy,” she answers honestly. “Work has been… a lot. But good.”

“Good,” he says. “Good. Um, what are you doing here, Leslie? Talking to me?”

Now Leslie is the one left speechless. She purses her lips, staring down at her hands in her lap. “I'm sorry,” she whispers, too terrified to see the look in his eyes when she says it. “I just wanted to catch up, I guess. It's been a while.”

Ben sighs and sets his menu down. “Yeah, well, who’s fault is that?”

He stands up and leaves, without looking back at her even once. She wishes he would, just for a moment turn around and see the regret in her eyes, but she doesn't. Maybe it's too late. Maybe the damage has already been done. Maybe this is really goodbye.

Ben isn't in a good mood by the time he gets to Andy and April’s house, and both of them can tell right away. It might have something to do with the fact that Ben’s entire body is vibrating at too high a frequency and there are tears in his eyes.

“You saw Leslie, didn't you?” April asks him, for once side-stepping her rude exterior in favor of her softer interior. It's clear Ben needs it.

“Yeah,” he says, rubbing his forehead, and Andy wraps him into a bone crushing hug that Ben doesn't really want, but maybe he needs that too.

Leslie calls Ann to JJ’s Diner as soon as Ben leaves. They've gotten closer again, since she left Ben at Ramsett Park, and she knows the entire story.

“Are you sure coming up to him was a good idea?” Ann asks her, sipping at her drink. Leslie plays with her bag absentmindedly, hasn't even touched her coffee that JJ brought out to her.

“Maybe not,” Leslie admits softly. “But god, Ann, I just… seeing him, I couldn't stop myself. I miss him so much.”

“I know you do.” Ann reaches out to touch Leslie’s hand. “But you left Ben. He's going to be hurt, going to be struggling. It's not going to be the same for him. Are you sure you know what you're doing?”

Leslie stares at the binder in front of her, pulled from her purse. It's her first binder with only one page in it, and on that page, only one step: Tell Ben that I love him.

“I need to tell him, Ann,” she decides. “Even if he doesn't feel the same way. He needs to know.”

Leslie is standing in front of Andy and April’s house later that night, hoping Ben will still be awake, that he’ll be willing to talk to her in private.

It's April that opens the door. “I don't think he wants to talk to you,” she says.

“I know,” Leslie sighs, but April is her friend, too, and prays she can convince her. “I know he probably hates me—”

“That's not it,” April interrupts. “He doesn't hate you. I don't think Ben can hate anyone. But he thinks you hate him.” And, in a move so uncharacteristic of April, she leans in closer to Leslie, and there is real emotion in her eyes. “Don't make me go get him if you're just gonna break his heart again, Leslie. Ben is… a lame, super uncool nerd, but, he means a lot to me and Andy.”

Leslie swallows hard. “I'm not going to hurt him,” she says truthfully. “At least… that's not the plan.”

April leaves, and a couple minutes later Ben is standing in front of her, looking decidedly less put together than he did this morning. He's in a tshirt and sweats, as if he just rolled out of bed, his eyes squinting at her suspiciously.

“What are you doing here? Whatever it is, Leslie, I really don't want to hear it—”

“I'm still in love with you.”

She blurts it out in one breath, and the words stop him dead in his tracks.

“You…. what?”

“I'm still in love with you, Ben,” Leslie gasps. “I've loved you this whole time. I've never loved anyone but you. It's always been you and only you.”

Ben is shaking. “Where is this coming from?”

“I made the biggest mistake of my life and it took me too long to realize that. I gave up the person I love the most because I was scared and selfish and stupid and I just… needed you to know that.”

He’s silent for a long time, his hand coming up to rub his brow. When he speaks, he sounds like he's on the verge of tears, his voice soft and breaking. “Do you have any idea…? I waited seven months for you, seven months of hoping you would do exactly this, call me or show up at my door and tell me you messed up and you loved me. Do you have any idea what this feels like?”

“No,” she admits, wringing her hands together. Ben sighs and shuts the front door, leaving the two of them on the porch together. “And I'm not going to pretend like I do. I just had to say it, Ben, I needed you to know even if now you want nothing to do with me.”

“I don't understand. What do you want me to say to this?”

“You don't need to say anything if you don't want to. I'm standing here and telling you I love you without any expectations on hearing it back. But… but if I had another chance, this time I can promise you, I would love you like I should have for all those years.”

Ben nearly doubles backwards, his hand gripping his chest, where she knows his heart is pounding a million miles a minute. “You… want a second chance? You want to get back together?”

She sees no point in lying. She came here to tell the truth, after all. “More than anything, that's what I want. To be with you. But, I'm not here to force you or pressure you into doing anything.”

“There's no way this is real. I'm dreaming. How can I trust you?”

Leslie is choking up on tears that are forcing their way out. “I miss you like crazy. I think about you all the time,” she mumbles, wiping her eyes and wishing he would touch her. “I want to be with you. This is how I feel, how do you feel?”


End file.
